Gratitude

I cannot express in words or anything else how incredible this year has been to me. Not even interpretive dance would do justice to the gratitude I owe to the world. Serious business, people. But even so, I'd like to try. This post will probably sound stupid, and it's directed to approximately 5,000 different people and things and ideas, so don't even bother trying to make sense of my use of the word "you." It will be choppy and messy and long. Goodness knows it will be long. Too long to read. Even though I know nothing I say will sound quite right, I need to say it. I need to say thank you.

Thank you for beets, for arugula and pears, for the opening of Yogurtland near campus, which is surprisingly affordable and even more delicious. Thank you for green tea and for kale. Thank you for a philosophy class that I slept through except for the time it taught me that it is better to be punched than to punch, because if you punch someone you'll have to live your whole life feeling bad about it. I know those words aren't right, but the sentiment is there, and I'm thankful for that lesson.

Thank you for teaching me the meaning of family in a whole new way. Thank you for making me understand that just because these people haven't known me for long, it doesn't mean they can't know me. Thank you for the Trojan Marching Band and the best freshman class in the history of the universe (ever). We may be fuck-ups, but we're fuck-ups that love each other. Thank you for milkshake nights and starting my birthday with a round of FTF and Conquest sung to me at midnight. Thank you for the opportunity to play horn calls over the tops of buildings while the sun sets to my right. I almost cried that practice, just because everything was so beautiful. Also thank you for playing horn calls over the tops of buildings as the sun rises over them. That was a good morning too.

Thank you for Primal Scream and losing my sandal in the reflecting pool. Thank you for screaming at me to get on the other bus so you could sit with me and drink beer. Thank you for the most beautiful Alma Mater arrangement I can imagine, which feels so much in the silent moment after we lose.

Thank you for sleepless nights that seemed to last five minutes. Thank you for listening to the rain with me that one time you probably don't remember. Thank you especially for staying when you shouldn't have. We both knew it was a bad idea, but as far as bad ideas go, it was a pretty good time. Thank you for being more than honest. Thank you for being. I can't say it a whole lot better than that.

Thank you for bringing me tea twice and roses once, all three times because I was stressed and grumpy. Thank you for everything while it lasted, I suppose. Thank you for admitting you couldn't. Thank you for that time we made soup.

Thank you for being my home away from home. Thank you for being my big dinosaur and for everything that comes with that job, which is sort of a lot. Thank you for knowing words. Thank you for The Little Chapel of Silence.

Thank you for not questioning my crazy, most of the time. Thank you for being crazy with me, sometimes. Thank you for calling me out when it needs to happen. Thank you for walking with me when I didn't have a bike. Thank you for that time we laid silently on the floor and let Boy Lilikoi wash over our bodies and through our hearts.

Thank you for the suitehearts of 4207, for base camp and melloflouse and the development of el sabadito and its many regulations. Thank you for palm trees, which are no less awesome now than they were at orientation. Thank you for introducing me to my twin. Thank you for cookies and the addition of coconut. Thank you for meow, which is perfect for any occasion.

Thank you for getting lost on the way to Conan. Thank you for Korean drum recitals. Thank you for hemoglobin, which is approximately the coolest thing to ever exist, and if you don't believe me, ask the oxygen-hemoglobin dissociation curve. Thank you for qancer and mouth parts. Thank you for being as excited as everyone should be, especially about lizard-monster hypotheticals.

Thank you for being there in the weirdest way, somehow whenever I need to be reminded of your existence most, even if it's just shouting my name and laughing, waving at me through a window.

Thank you for Psych 101 and questionable decisions. Thank you for Pad Thai.

Thank you for Arcade Fire, for Jónsi, for Andrew Bird, for Sufjan Stevens, for dinner, for calling more than you needed to, for a place to go, for being more than here.

Thank you for The Thread, as always, the love of which cannot be stifled even at 3,000 miles.

Thank you for Hillel and charoset. Thank you for a class which made me read the Bible for the first time in a long time. Thank you for Ecclesiastes, still my favorite book. Thank you for David Foster Wallace and Kurt Vonnegut, even though they're dead. Thank you for Walden. Thank you for e.e. cummings' poems, specifically that one about being thankful and that other one about our bodies and that other one where none of the words make sense except chaos.

Thank you for Hubble 3-D. And the kelp forest. Also Carl Sagan.

Thank you for the way the sun comes in through my window in the mornings while I wake up. That is easily one of my favorite things about anything to happen this year. It changed everything. And you know this post would be a lie if I didn't thank you for floral prints.

Thank you for giving me so much to be thankful for, so much that I am physically compelled to write it all down, or at least what I can remember at this point, though I know I'm missing a lot in the mix. Thank you for making me cry from happiness more times than I can remember.

I've learned so much this year, challenged myself and smiled and hurt and loved so much this year. Thank you for teaching me, for being there in every moment to make things beautiful and difficult and worth it. Everyone I have met, observed, befriended, hugged, ignored, and generally associated with has taught me invaluable lessons on what it means to be human. I feel no more prepared for anything that lies ahead, but I need to thank you for teaching me things which I know will not go to waste, whatever I do.

Tl;dr, I know. If you want a summary, what I am really trying to say: Thank you mostly for finally giving me a home after 19 years of wandering, which is all I ever wanted in the first place.